We all have conversations we want or need to have with someone we care about. We play it out in our head, worry about how to bring it up and what if we say the wrong thing? All too often, we avoid the discomfort of talking about something tough only to miss out on an opportunity to restore or grow intimacy in that relationship. Take a risk! Talk about it! Whether it’s the chicken casserole you actually don’t like or suggesting the idea of going to counseling, we all want to be able to say what’s on our mind & how we feel to someone we care about! Speaking the truth with love is a lofty goal, isn’t it? A real friend would tell me I have spinach in my teeth, but they could do it in a kind way. I’ve found that even in therapy with teenagers and children (especially) that the hard conversations about social skills, sex and other “taboo” topics, they appreciate having an open and honest conversation with a trusted adult. The amusing thing is that often I feel that I’m talking to a blank stare or get the vibe they don’t really want to hear it. When I notice these reactions, I check in. I say, “What’s going on in your head?” or “Tell me how it is for you to talk about this with me.” It isn’t until much later that I’ve heard feedback that tidbits from those conversations actually sunk in. Parents, take heart! Your kids are taking in more than you expect. They are looking to you for how to navigate this crazy, scary world. You are their model for how to handle stress, how honest they can actually be & when it’s okay to ask for help.
Here are some quick tips for breaking the ice:
-Set a time limit for yourself, don’t talk too much!
-Plan ahead and keep it to 1-2 main points
-Start with a praise, share a concern, end with “I love you.”
-Pray. No really 🙂
-If it’s awkward, feel free to say: “This is awkward!” and laugh.
-The point is not for it to go perfectly, just to open the lines of communication one step at a time. I’m also here for consultation & support!
Go for it!
-Meredith